Tuesday, January 10, 2012


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Dad I know you’re coming home, I swear I can feel it in my body, you’re just missing that’s all. I know that you have been captured and now you’re a prisoner of war; but you are a strong willed man and the Japs won’t be able to hold you for much longer now. Mum knows it too dad, everyday she tells me what she reckons you’ll be eating. You haven’t been gone for too long yet, feels as if you’ve just gone to the pub or just hiding from us or something. Now here I am standing on the diving board, the exact place at Schindler’s you used to jump off and into the water. I loved that game, you’d leap off the diving board hide in the water, just as I’d start to worry you would reappear laughing. Hahaha it was hilarious, yeah I bet ya the same thing will happen in a few weeks, you’ll walk through the front door, acting as if this whole thing was some big game!!!! Yeah all I have to do now is stand here and wait for you, won’t be long now. I can’t wait to see you again, it’s not the same without you. “Hang on Jack that’s the boy hang on”, I can hear your voice now. Yeah it won’t be long till the three of us are together again, you, me and mum. Please come home dad, I’m really starting to miss you.

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Three weeks have gone by and you still haven’t called us, what’s going on? Every knock at the door or telephone I’m sure it’s gonna be you. Mum’s started acting all strange since you’ve been gone, tarting herself up; she got a perm last week I reckon you’d absolutely hate it. I don’t know what’s come over her. I’m getting a bit worried though, it’s as if well……like she’s given up on you or something. She pretends that she’s fine around me, as if she’s putting on a brave face to protect me you know, but I’d rather her just tell me the truth. Dad don’t get angry, but I think she’s starting to forget you and move on with a new life. I can’t bring myself to tell her how I feel, but I just cannot believe she’s doing this. You are missing for gods sake, she’s acting as if nothing ever happened, as if you never existed, it makes me furious. Don’t worry dad I love you and I’m never, never going to let you go. And now the bloody Yank’s have started appearing, I can’t keep up with them all. Makes me sick to be honest dad, a new date each week I don’t know what game she’s playing. I reckon she wants my approval, asking if I like what she’s wearing or what I think of the men she brings home. I don’t buy it but I don’t say a word, if that’s one thing you taught me dad it was to always respect my mother. Doesn’t she realise dad that these random Yanks cannot take your place? Nobody can. I’m starting to feel like I don’t even know her anymore. How are you supposed to feel when you come home and find out mums been dating all these other men. You’ll be furious for sure, don’t blame you I’m starting to feel the same way.

One young guy, Milt from Conneticut, yeah well I think something’s going on with him and mum, they’re getting pretty close and I don’t like it one bit. He’s a nice guy and all and he makes me laugh, but that’s no excuse for what mum’s doing. And now she’s brought Milt to Schindler’s. this is our families holiday spot. I thought she was joking at first, she didn’t even ask me how I felt about him coming or how it would make me feel. She swore to me they were just friends, but I’m starting to have my doubts. She calls Milt a fixer, but there is no way he can fix your absence. He doesn’t fit in here, he can’t play cricket and is no good at fishing, he’s simply too……well too American. Ope he gets his marching orders and goes home. I don’t like him being around, he cant complete my triangle, no one can but you. They exclude me dad, make me feel like I’m an outsider, pretending nothings going on. But I’m not stupid, I can see straight through it, I never thought mum would lie to me.

I feel alone, I’m really starting to feel the distance between us dad. The problem is I haven’t spoken to you for months, I don’t even know where you are or if you’re alive anymore. You told me dad that no matter what happened in my life, maps would guide me through it. Well right now my maps pretty clouded and I’m the only one on it. I wake up at night shaking, dreaming about you in the tropics, you tell me you love me, not to give up and that your coming home, but then I realise it was all a dream. My whole body aches for you, but the strong connection I felt with you only weeks ago is starting to fade. I’m not giving up dad I swear it’s just that mums moved on and I’m alone, I’m really scared dad.

I thought I saw you, you were watching them together, I’m sorry dad I tried to stop mum, but there was nothing I could do anymore. She had given up long ago, I cant believe I’m saying this but mum is with a year old American now, I cannot understand, how or why she is doing this to us. I will never forgive her for forgetting you and Milt will not take your place, don’t worry, how could he, nobody could replace you dad. But then I saw it was my own reflection, I realised I am all alone in the world, mum has chosen Milt and our relationship cannot be the same. I have to continue my life, I know you won’t be coming home and my triangle will never be complete. But I will never forget you dad and love you forever.

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